Complicated
by thecosmicwind
Summary: Post-Fault one-shot...when Olivia went into Cragen's office and told him she wanted a new partner. She couldn't handle when things got complicated, especially when complications were with the man that meant everything to her. Rated M for language. NOW A THREE SHOT.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys!**

 **Sooo….there was a wonderful EO twitter account live tweeting Fault today, and you all know the end where Olivia goes to Cragen's office and tells him she wants a new partner? Well, that gave me an idea. We never got to see the actual conversation between Olivia and Cragen when she said that, so I got the idea to write this little piece here. I hope you guys like it!**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

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 **Complicated [OneShot]**

It had been one hell of a twenty-four hours for two of the most dedicated detectives of Manhattan's 16th precinct. A chaotic day that consisted of her throat being cut, them having a huge fight in the middle of the hallway outside their squad room, him having a gun to his head and begging her to shoot the psychotic pedophile they had been chasing, and him saying they had to stop choosing each other over the job or else they couldn't be partners and that he couldn't lose her...all of that had led to this moment now.

She hasn't slept all night. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his face in her head, saw that look in his eyes, could hear his voice saying that they couldn't be partners if they were gonna continue to choose each other and that he couldn't bare to lose her. She had probably cried more in the last twenty-four hours than she had in the last ten years. She kept replaying it in her head, struggling hard to figure out what he meant. _'We both chose each other over the job, we can never let that happen again; otherwise we can't be partners.'_ She felt sick to her stomach every time the words replayed in her head. _'You and this job are all I have left anymore; I don't wanna wreck that - I couldn't take that._ ' Those words caused the tears to prick in her eyes. They both knew what this was about, but they were both too stubborn to admit it.

And scared - she was so fucking scared.

Elliot was everything to her. She was connected to him, more so than she had been with anyone, even with the people she dated in the past. They were more than partners and they both knew that, they were best friends, but it was deeper. They were connected in the mind and soul. They finished each other's sentences constantly and knew what the other was thinking. They made each other laugh and smile all the time. Elliot was really all Olivia had to look forward to on her days; he was everything. It scared her that this man - a man that she wasn't even dating, a man that was simply her _best friend_ \- had taken over her mind and her heart. She didn't know if he felt the same. Well, maybe yesterday proved that he felt the same. She didn't know. All she knew was that this shit was complicated, and it terrified her. She couldn't handle things getting complicated with him. When things got complicated, they got sour and she would end up losing the other party.

She couldn't lose Elliot.

She kept her head down as she stepped off the elevator and walked down the hall. She prayed to God that he wasn't in the squad room. Cragen - their Captain - had given them both a couple days off to get their heads together after the events of the previous days, but even if they were given a couple days off, it was normal for one of them to pop up to talk to Cragen or to get something from their desks. She was just hoping that he wasn't there because she couldn't face him right now.

"Hey Liv, what you are doing here, baby girl?"

She looked up; Fin was giving her a smile as he stood up to greet her. She draped her coat over her desk chair, forcing a smile onto her lips as she tried to hide the fact she had cried during the walk from her apartment to the precinct.

"I just needed to talk to Cragen about something," She spoke softly as she hugged him, "Is he in his office?" She gave Munch a small smile as well as he gave her a big hug.

"He's in there," Munch held onto her arm, "You okay?" She could tell he was trying to get a read on her, but she brushed him off and smiled a little more.

"I'm okay, I promise." She assured them both. She then squeezed their arms before making her way across the room. Cragen's door was closed, so she knocked, waiting a couple seconds before she heard the "Come in!". She opened the door and slipped inside before closing the door behind her. Cragen looked up, a concerned look on his face when he immediately noticed the solemn look on his detective's face.

"Olivia, what's up?"

She swallowed hard, blinking a bit before finding the strength to say the words;

"I want a new partner."

She watched as her boss dropped his pen from his hand, his eyes widening in shock. She bit her lip and shifted her gaze to the floor. She didn't want to see that look on Cragen's face. She didn't want him to talk some sense into her or tell her she was overreacting to a stressful twenty-four hours. He just wanted her to ask why so she could provide him with some believable answer, so he would say yes, and then she would be on her way.

She knew it wouldn't be like that though. She and Elliot were the faces of this unit. They gave Cragen headaches and he was always sticking his neck out for them, helping them to keep their shields and to stay out of trouble with Internal Affairs when they pulled their stunts, but he loved them, and he loved the work they did. They were like the dynamic duo of the New York City police department, they were the longest partnership within this unit especially. Cragen would see right through any bullshit answer she would come up with. She sighed as she forced herself to look up; Cragen had pulled the blinds closed and was now perched on the edge of his desk, eyeing his detective that was standing before him.

"Okay," he rubbed his jaw; "Does this have to do with yesterday? Liv, I gave you both a couple days off so you'd both calm down."

"We need a change." She muttered, leaning against the wall with her arms folded across her chest. Cragen raised an eyebrow; Olivia knew he was trying to read her - and it wouldn't be long before he figured out what was really going on.

"Since when?" He asked.

"Look," She sighed, "Yesterday just really took it out of us both and proved that we needed a change; you saw how we blew up at each other in the hallway? We need to be apart."

"Yeah, I saw that," Cragen folded his arms across her chest; "But I also know that this isn't the first time that you two have blown up at each other like this and you give it right back, so try again."

"But for him to question my ability to do my job was out of order, and if he doesn't think I can do my job then maybe we don't need to be partners." Olivia argued, narrowing her gaze at her boss.

"Liv, I agree that Elliot should have never said that to you; you and I both know he didn't mean it though," he stood up, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Who saved his ass last night? You – so you know Elliot didn't mean what he said to you. Is that what this is about? Do you two need a couple more days off?"

"I just don't want to be Elliot's partner anymore," she blinked back the tears that had sprung into her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat; "Pair me up with Munch or Fin or let me go solo – or I'll go get my transfer papers and be gone completely."

She turned to head out of the office, her hand on the door handle when she heard her boss's voice; "Olivia – tell me what's going on."

She squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing again to steady her voice; "Nothing – I'm fine."

"Try looking at me and saying that," Cragen spoke gently; "Liv, I've been on the force since before you were born probably; I can read people very well and sense when something's off, and something is off about this whole conversation."

She tried to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks but hearing Cragen speak to her in that gentle voice that he had used a few times over the years when he was trying to get through to her or help her through something was what broke her down. She couldn't hide these tears from him and she wouldn't even try; she simply turned around, looking at him with pleading eyes as thick tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Just let me leave, please." She whimpered.

"Not until you tell me what's really going on," he told her as he handed her a tissue, "Why don't you want to be Elliot's partner anymore and why are you even considering leaving the unit? Yesterday probably had a hand in this sudden announcement, so tell me what's going on."

The concern in Cragen's eyes and that calm, gentle voice was enough to set Olivia off; she opened her mouth to speak but suddenly started crying. Her body shook slightly as she sobbed quietly; Cragen gently took hold of her arms and urged her to sit down. She did so in one of the chairs in front of his desk, and he sat in the chair next to her, turning it slightly so that he was facing her. She buried her face into her hands, sniffling slightly whilst Cragen gently rested a hand on her back. He knew she needed to get this out first; he had known from the look in her eyes when she walked in that it wouldn't take much to set her off crying. He just needed to know what was going on, though really, he already had an idea of such.

Her sobs subsided after a couple minutes, reducing to sniffles though tears continued to fall down her cheeks. He kept his hand resting on her back as he looked at her, urging her to tell him what was going on. She swallowed a bit, keeping her gaze fixated on her hands as she began speaking.

"Me and Elliot – we…fuck…" she ran her fingers through her hair, "Dammit, Cap, I just…yesterday…almost fucking losing him, that messed me up. When Gitano had that gun to his head, when I was faced with the decision of risking Elliot's life in hopes of taking out Gitano or missing altogether and Elliot dying – that messed me up. Elliot's my best friend and I can't lose him, he means…he means too much to me and that really fucking scares me to admit that, but he does…he…he…"

She ended up crying again. Cragen shuffled closer and pulled her into a hug; she rest her head on his shoulder and shook slightly as she began sobbing again. He rubbed her back gently. He hated seeing her so upset; she was like a daughter to him and having his normally cool, calm, and collected detective suddenly appear so broken before him actually frightened him. He had known that this had something to do with what her and Elliot had dealt with the day before, and he knew there was more to it.

"You and Elliot really need to talk; you need to talk to him before you make any crazy decisions, Liv," he rubbed her arm as she sat up properly again, "You two are tight; you two will get through this, maybe I do need to separate you as partners or something, but leaving the unit, Liv?"

"I just can't around him." She sniffled, shaking her head.

"But why-"

"Because I love him," she choked out as some more tears fell down her cheeks,

"Fuck, yesterday just made me realize that I love him so much and I think he might love me back, but he can't do that; I'm no good for him, and I just can't deal with this and be his partner anymore, looking at him every day, knowing that I will do nothing but hurt him if we cross that line; I just love him and I can't stop, but I can't stay here."

Olivia had finally said the words. Cragen had known this would happen, from the first second that he introduced them to each other seven years earlier. He had known then from the way they clicked, the way they looked at each other, the smiles and lingering looks they shared over the years – he knew that something like this would happen. He had _watched_ it happen over the last few months – an increase in touches, increase in the lingering looks; more so Elliot staring at her when she wasn't watching. He had also noticed them leaving together lately or coming into work chuckling together about things that nobody else found funny. Though there was a lot of good energy between the pair at the moment, he had noticed their fights lately. He knew too well that the type of fights that Elliot and Olivia were having lately were due to the fact that they had fallen for each other but were desperately trying to repress it.

He also knew that yesterday had finally brought it all to the surface and laid it on the table for them both. From the morning's events when Olivia had a slash delivered to her neck from Gitano's knife, to the evening when Elliot had a gun to his head and Olivia was the one who had to decide to talk Gitano down or pull the trigger, which was a risk to Elliot's life. Both parties had almost lost each other the day before, hence why Cragen had given them both a couple days off to get their heads together. He hadn't expected Olivia to come into his office with talk of switching partners or leaving the unit, but now, he knew what this was really about.

And he also knew that she was scared and ready to run away from it all; that's what Olivia did when things got complicated – and this was truly complicated.

"Olivia, you're a great person so you and I both know you wouldn't hurt Elliot, so don't say that," the seasoned officer sighed, speaking to his detective in a calm voice; "You and Elliot are complicated to say the least, but I know it's because you both love each other – because I do think he loves you too. You two just need to talk about this, figure out what's going on inside your heads."

"I can't do that, Cap; I can't talk to him," she sniffled, shrugging her shoulders, "Elliot said last night that we can't be partners if we're gonna keep choosing each other over the job, but fuck…Cap, how can you let the person you love die? I'm his partner, it's my job to make sure he gets home safe anyway, but I'm in love with him too and I would choose Elliot over this damn job a million times over; I would save his life over and over again, because I can't lose him."

She then wiped her eyes with a tissue again, before looking at him with red rimmed, watery eyes; "But he said that me and this job are the only things that he has left anymore, and he couldn't take it if he wrecks it-"

"And you know Elliot would choose you over this job, over and over again," Cragen told her; "I've watched you two over the years and especially over these last few months Olivia, that's why I'm telling you to go talk to him about how you're feeling, see what he says. If something happens, I won't tell IAB a thing unless absolutely necessary; but you need to talk to him first."

Olivia simply shook her head, sniffling slightly as she stood up again.

"I can't do this to Elliot, I just can't," she shrugged, "Just please, let me go somewhere else – I just need to get away; he deserves a better partner."

"Liv think about this-"

"I have thought about it," she swallowed, folding her arms across his chest, "I have to go; I love him, but I need to go – we need a change, he deserves better."

"Olivia-"

"Captain," she breathed out, looking at him again as tears slipped down her cheeks; "Please?" her voice came out no higher than a whisper.

Cragen sighed, before going around to the other side of his desk again. He knew there was no changing her mind when she had it made up about something, and while he disagreed with this completely, maybe it was best for her and Elliot to take some time away from each other. Besides, maybe some time apart would help them both come to terms with whatever this thing was they were dancing around. All these underlying feelings and stuff; all the two of them did was dance around it, and though Olivia had just admitted it to him, he knew she wouldn't admit this to Elliot. He already had the feeling that Elliot felt the same, but he wouldn't admit it to Olivia of course. The two were too stubborn to admit something like this, no matter how great it could be. They were scared of screwing up and losing each other, and Cragen knew that if they lost each other, it would crush them both.

"I think Computer Crimes has an opening," he told her, looking at her as she stood against the wall, "Go home, and I'll call you tomorrow with your reassignment."

She nodded, mouthing a quick 'thank you' before turning to go out.

"Liv."

She stopped, looking over her shoulder at her boss, whom was looking at her with a solemn expression on her face.

"At least tell him this – he'll want to know."

She bit her lip, before shaking her head; "I can't – it's too complicated."

She then left the office, rushing across the room with her head down. She grabbed her coat and slipped it on before muttering a quick goodbye to Munch and Fin, before leaving out of the squad room. She just wanted to go home and cry while thinking about this complicated mess that was her partnership with a man that meant everything to her.

And with her quick exit from the main doors of the squad room, she didn't notice the blue-eyed detective that had entered Cragen's office through his side door, the very detective that had started his conversation with;

" _Cap; I think I screwed up with Liv."_

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 ** _Anddddd there we have it. Leave some reviews please! Until next time... xoxo_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys!**

 **So I know...I know...it's taken a while for me to write this because for a while, I had no idea if I really wanted to do a part two to this. I thought about leaving it, but then an idea I got over the last few days from my girl Aubrey led me to the idea of writing this next part. Her idea will be written as a third part (this has turned into a three-shot). But for now, enjoy this second part of complicated, where we finally get to see Elliot's conversation with the Captain.**

 **READ PART ONE IF YOU HAVEN'T.**

 **Okay...enjoy xoxo**

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 **Complicated - PART TWO**

 _"Cap, I think I screwed up with Liv."_

Actually, he didn't _think_ he screwed up with his partner of seven years, he _knew_ he had screwed up with her.

He had barely slept the night before; everything from the last day had just hit him full force. He had been angry…so fucking angry at the whole situation. The case was one of the hardest; something so brutal that his anger had gotten the best of him several times. This pedophile was one of the most brutal and his reign of terror hadn't just consumed the children he kidnapped, but consumed the two detectives that were the closest, tightest partners within the entire NYPD.

And now he wasn't sure if they could come back from this – and it was all his fault.

Every time he had closed his eyes the night before, the scene at the bus terminal would replay in his head over and over, like on a loop. He would see the swing of Victor Gitano's arm, watch as the blade sliced the bronzed throat of his partner, watch as she fell to the ground, watch as she laid there holding her throat with a look of shock and horror on her face. He wasn't one to cry, but he had shed more tears in the last twenty-four hours than he had done ever in his life. The pain was almost unbearable. He knew he had screwed up with her and now he had an actual ache in his chest.

He knew what this was about – what this thing between them was _really_ about. And it scared him; it really fucking scared him.

Olivia was everything to him. She was the calm in his crazy life that was a storm. She kept him balanced with her gentle behaviors and soothing way of talking to him when was lost in rage. One touch on the arm from her or the sound of that soothing way she said _"Elliot",_ and everything was okay again. Everything was clear again with her around. They had always been more than partners since the moment they met over seven years earlier. When their hands connected, Elliot felt this jolt of electricity and this intense need to know this woman on a deeper level than anyone else. She was his best friend, and what they had, had always gone far beyond the levels of a partnership. They were so consumed with one another, with a partnership that ran so deep that they would literally do anything for each other. Truthfully, they were two people that wouldn't think twice about literally dying for each other.

This shit now – it was complicated. Yesterday, far too much had been said – things that he regretted and couldn't take back now no matter how much he desperately wished he could. Gitano had truly fucked them up and complicated this _thing_ between them by pushing them to face the one thing that they hadn't been ready to face. He cringed at the sound of his own voice in his head, telling her that they couldn't be partners if they were gonna keep choosing each other over the job. He told her that she was all he had left – besides his job – and that was true. She was all he had to look forward to, the only things that made his days brighter. Now it was so fucking _complicated._

He also knew how Olivia was, how she ran from anything when she sensed the complications. He knew she would dance around this and act like nothing was wrong and slip back into professional mode, avoiding a conversation that the two of them really needed to have. This was why he was now standing in his Captain's office, desperate to talk to the seasoned officer who he saw as a father figure. He needed some guidance, because right now, he was well and truly lost.

"I knew I'd see you soon enough," Captain Cragen sighed, gesturing for the senior detective to take a seat in the chair, "Alright son, what's going on?" Elliot didn't know that Cragen had already spoken to Olivia and he certainly didn't know about her request, and while Cragen knew that he should tell Elliot, he wasn't going to.

Elliot sat down, remaining silent for a few moments before taking a deep breath;

"I screwed up, Cap."

"I told you and Olivia to take a couple days to get your heads together." Cragen pointed out.

"I just needed…I need…" Elliot paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, his blue eyes shimmering in the lights of the office with unshed tears; "I need some advice." He cleared his throat, shifting his gaze to the carpeted floor as he leaned his elbows on his knees.

"Talk to me son."

"Dammit," Elliot took a deep breath, running his hand down his face before looking back up at his captain;

"Yesterday…that case…Olivia…fuck!"

"Elliot," Cragen rushed around the desk, sitting on the chair the man who was now holding his head in his hands, "Elliot, breathe son; just talk to me." He placed a hand on his shoulder, concern etched across his features as he watched Elliot take a few deep breaths.

"That bastard slit her throat, the medic told her that if it had been just a few more centimeters, she would've been dead – Olivia almost fucking died," he sniffled; "And fuck…I treated her like garbage, but I was just so fucking angry. I ran to her, and she didn't even need me, and a little boy got killed. It's all some fucked up mess; Cap, she didn't deserve that at all yesterday; she didn't ask me to run to her, she even pushed me away when I got to her and I hesitated because I didn't want to leave her. She was bleeding out of her neck, Cap; there was so much fucking blood, and she was pushing me to go after Gitano."

His voice dropped to a whisper; "I panicked; I thought she was gonna die."

"Olivia's fine, son, she's-"

"She almost wasn't fine, and that's been killing me. The few minutes of sleep I actually got last night consisted of a nightmare where she needed me and I ran to Ryan instead, and she died right there on the floor; I woke up crying, Cap," Elliot squeezed the bridge of his nose; "Almost losing her – I was _centimeters_ from fucking losing her – that fucked me up, and I fucked it up some more."

He then lifted his gaze to meet his boss's eyes, the oceanic blues full of unshed tears; "I never meant anything I said to her yesterday; it wasn't her fault what happened to Ryan, and I didn't mean tell her I couldn't be her partner anymore – I screwed up, I really screwed up."

"Elliot, Liv knows you didn't mean all that-"

"She's ignoring my calls, and I don't even blame her," he sniffled a bit; "Fuck…she hates me, Cap; and it hurts."

"What's this about you two not being partners anymore? What did you mean by that?" Cragen asked. Of course, he already knew the answer to this, but he needed to hear it from Elliot.

"We were sitting outside of Rebecca's room, and we were talking, and I told her that if we kept choosing each other over the job, that we couldn't be partners…"

He paused, wiping his eyes;

"Besides this job, Liv is the only thing I have anymore, the only one that makes everything better when I feel like it's all gone to shit. I told her that she was the only thing I had left anymore and that I couldn't lose her, else I couldn't take it…and I can't lose her Cap, I couldn't take it if I lost Olivia…"

He swallowed nervously, speaking quietly as he finally admitted the truth; "I love her…I love her so much and I can't lose her."

He turned his head to look at his boss once again; "But now, she hates me."

"Olivia doesn't hate you, you know that," Cragen kept his voice calm, keeping a hand on the broken man's shoulder; "You two need to talk, like really need to talk."

Elliot shook his head, holding his head in his hand once again. He knew that Olivia wouldn't talk to him, and especially not about this. But what he did know is that it was obvious that she was struggling with this just as much as he was. He had seen the pain in her eyes the night before – from the time they'd been in the warehouse, to when they were sitting outside of Rebecca's room, there was so much in her eyes, and Elliot knew what it was. They were both dancing around this, both scared to cross that line. He was scared because he couldn't screw things up and lose her like he lost his family, and he knew that she was scared too because of her fear of commitment. She never let anyone get too close as she was always scared that as soon as she fell in too deep, something would happen and rip her heart out.

Elliot had never needed someone like he needed Olivia, and that frightened him. He was connected to her and she had taken over. The thought alone gave him chills. The woman that was his partner and his best friend had completely taken over his mind and his heart. Olivia was pretty much his other half; a woman that could match him in strength and could give it just as good as she got when they fought. God…when they fought, it was like the angriest hurricane, but when they calmed down, it was like the eye in the middle of the chaotic storm. Together, they balanced each other out – he was the rage, she was the compassion. They were these two imperfect halves that made a perfect whole, and that was something he'd never had before, not even with Kathy.

When he'd married Kathy – though he did love her- he had mainly done it out of obligation; she was pregnant, and they were Catholic, which gave no other options other than to get married. When he met Olivia, something inside of him shifted, as if a part of him had finally come to life. Over the years, he had learned what it was like to develop a strong friendship with somebody and to fall in love with your best friend.

He was truly in love with his best friend.

"Elliot, go talk to her," Cragen had spoken up again, bringing him from his thoughts; "And if something happens, I won't tell IAB unless necessary."

Elliot sighed, looking back at his captain again. Maybe he was right, maybe he should go talk to her. Maybe he should go her apartment and sit her own and force her to talk to him.

He thanked his captain for letting him talk and promised he would talk to her, before standing up. He shook the older man's hand and exited the office through the side, before taking the stairs to the ground floor. He made his way outside to his Jeep and slipped into the driver's side, before flipping his phone open and holding it up to his ear.

It rang twice, then her voicemail picked up; _"Hey it's Liv, leave a message and I'll get back to you."_

He squeezed his eyes shut, speaking down the phone; "Olivia, I'm coming over. I need you to talk to me, please."

He then hung up before pulling into the traffic in the streets. He swallowed nervously as he sped towards her neighborhood, and it wasn't long before he found himself pulling up in front of her building. He rushed inside and took the stairs up to the fourth floor, before taking a deep breath as he approached the apartment; _4D._

He knocked a couple times, before shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. He listened as the locks clicked and watched as the door pulled open ever so slightly.

She looked so small without her heels on. Her tiny frame was hidden by yoga bottoms and a baggy t-shirt, and her honey blonde hair was tied into a ponytail. Her eyes were red rimmed, a sign that she had been crying.

"Liv, please-"

"I listened to your message," She flicked her gaze back to his face; "I don't want to talk to you right now, so please, leave me alone."

"Liv-"

"Go."

"Olivia, we need to talk about this – just talk to me."

"Go!"

And with that, the door slammed in his face. He felt his heart shatter and the tears finally spilled down his cheeks as he ran his finger over the gold _4D_ on the door, whispering so faintly;

"I love you."

And with a broken heart, he walked away, unaware that the woman on the other side of that door was now leaned against it, sobbing quietly to himself. He hung his head as he approached the elevator; had screwed up completely, and now things were too complicated – and he had no idea if they would ever be okay again.

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 ** _And there we have it folks, part two of 'Complicated' . Let me know what you guys think, leave your reviews and stuff. Until next time, my friends...xoxo_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone!**

 **Okayyy...so here we are with the third and final part of 'Complicated'. This part was inspired by an idea Aubrey gave me, and I thank her for it. It's been a couple days since Elliot showed up at Olivia's apartment to talk and she sent him away. Now, she comes to the locker room to see him, and finally, they...talk.**

 **Please, enjoy xoxo**

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 **Complicated - PART THREE**

He still couldn't think. He still couldn't function. He still felt like he'd felt this morning; like the wind had been knocked out of him when he heard the words slip from his captain's lips;

" _Computer Crimes…you two needed a break from each other."_

He closed his eyes at the sound of his captain's voice echoing in his head. There was an actual ache in his chest, as if his heart was straining against the muscular body, desperate to jump out and fly back to where it belonged – back to _her._

He had it all planned when he woke up that morning. He was coming into work with two coffees, then he would ask – or _beg_ – her to come to lunch with him, and they would talk about this, whatever was brewing between them. He needed her to know how sorry he was, and he needed to tell her the truth, to finally face what they had been running from.

But she was gone. She had run. She had left the unit and gone to the _Computer Crimes_ unit, and it was all because of him.

He had pushed her to leave the unit that was the center of her world, and he felt like such a bastard.

She was only two floors up, but still, that felt like so far away. Now, he felt like everything was out of control. He was currently working a case with a Queens SVU detective named Lucius Blaine, and with the tempers flaring from the two hot headed detectives, things had spiraled out of control. An argument had broken out between the pair, but things turned physical when Lucius uttered the dreaded words;

" _No wonder your partner dumped you...you screwed her and now you're trying to screw me."_

Those words were still ringing in Elliot's head now as he sat on the bench in the locker room, his torn shirt still hanging off his body as he tried to make sense of how things had gone so wrong. He felt so fucking guilty. Blaine was right; it was his own fault that Olivia had left. He had really made her life hell on that day of that case and had said the most awful things to her, and she still wasn't even talking to him, even though it had been a couple days. Now, he had come back to work today and found out that she was gone.

" _I feel like I keep losing people."_ are the words he spoke this morning as he sat in the booth at the church for confession before coming to work. It was true. He had lost his wife, his kids, and now he had lost the one person that meant the world to him and kept him sane.

He wanted to be mad at her. Hell, he was mad at her – a little bit. She hadn't even told him that she was leaving the unit when he'd shown up at her apartment a couple days earlier; she had simply dismissed him, screaming at him to leave. But at the same time, he couldn't really blame her because he had earned this. She never _ever_ deserved to be treated the way he had treated her. He felt like half of him was missing, and he couldn't forgive himself for being the cause of such pain.

He let out a frustrated sigh before standing up. He pulled off the torn shirt and dropped it into his locker, before pulling out a spare dress shirt. He slipped his arms through the dark grey material, taking a couple deep breaths and blinking back the tears that were brimming in his blue eyes. He adjusted the collar of the shirt before popping the buttons through the loops.

He didn't realize that he was no longer alone in the cold, dingy locker room.

As he turned, he could see something out of the corner of his eye – a figure. He looked up and froze, his mouth going dry and eyes going wide when he realized who it was.

Standing there leaned against the doorway, was the woman that could always make his heart skip a beat.

She was wearing a pair of black trousers, and a white camisole top underneath a low-cut blue sweater. Her black heeled boots added a couple more inches to her height, she had on her black jacket, and her honey blonde hair was flowing down and framing her face, dancing against her shoulders.

She looked so fucking beautiful.

"I liked that shirt." she broke the awkward silence; there was a cute but nervous smile on her lips. Elliot swallowed nervously, his fingers clumsily fastening the buttons of his shirt as he watched her for a second.

"What are you doing here?"

"Heard what happened between you and Blaine." She tilted her head to the side.

"What can I tell ya? He's a prick." Elliot muttered, shrugging his shoulders. He then slammed his locker shut before looking at her again. Her gaze flickered to the ground and she pursed her lips together, folding her arms across her chest before slowly lifting her gaze to meet his again. He finished buttoning his shirt before stepping closer to her, swallowing the lump in his throat. It was a good sign that she had come here on her own to talk to him, and now, he just needed to talk to her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he tried so hard to hide the sadness in his voice when he asked her the question; he wanted to act like he was tough and not hurting. His voice betrayed him as it was full of emotion; pain and hurt and sadness, because he had missed her.

"Elliot…" she paused for a second, trying to find the words to say;

"We've been partners for seven years, longer than anyone else here...we just, we needed a change…"

Her gaze flicked to his eyes, and it was then that Elliot saw her own tears, causing her eyes to look like melted pools of chocolate;

"I'm sorry, I should have talked to you; it was just…just too complicated."

' _Complicated';_ there was that word, the only word that Elliot could use to describe this mess they were in. It was complicated, but they both knew why it was complicated. He swallowed hard, muttering a quick _"thanks for dropping by"_ , before stepping around her to make his way out of the locker room. However, he stopped as soon as he reached the hallway, and he took a couple of deep breaths. She probably wasn't ready to face this and neither was he, but dammit, he was going to face it now. It was time for them to stop dancing around what this was really about.

"No…no we aren't doing this." he mumbled to himself, turning around and making his way back into the locker room. He found her now leaning against her locker that was beside his, and she was taking a few deep breaths as a couple tears slipped down her cheeks. He stalked up to her and placed his hands on either side of her head, trapping her between his body and the lockers that were behind her. She looked up at him, and he stared back at her, her face becoming blurry as tears began distorting his vision.

"We aren't doing this, Olivia," his voice wobbled slightly, "You're not leaving until we talk; please…listen to me."

She tilted her head to look at him, sniffling slightly as she did so. He dropped his hands to make her feel less trapped, then led her over to a corner where the chances of their conversation being heard was slim to none. She leaned against the wall behind her, and he stood in front of her, shoving his hands into his pocket as he didn't know what to do. He was desperate to grab hold of her hands, to close his large ones around her smaller ones, but he refrained from doing so because now was not the right time.

"I didn't mean any of it," he swallowed hard yet again, fighting to keep his emotions at bay as he found the words to say;

"You gotta know, Olivia; I didn't mean a damn thing I said – about your abilities, about your work, about _you;_ none of it. Saying _I'm sorry_ won't make up for what I said; all I can do is spend the rest of my life making it up to you…and the thing about us being partners, I didn't mean that either. Everything was so screwed up and my head was all over the place that day; I said so much out of emotion, but so much was pushed into my face that I wasn't ready to face and instead of facing it, I ran from it like a coward and said so many awful things that I didn't mean, and I'm so sorry, Olivia; I am so fucking sorry."

"Elliot-"

"You just gotta know, Liv; I'm so sorry," Tears had slipped down his cheeks now, and his hands were clenched into fists at his sides as he watched her through a haze of tears; "It's no wonder you left me, I don't deserve someone like you by my side; you're better and stronger and you deserve a partner that isn't such a bastard to you, that doesn't screw up every single fucking-"

"Elliot!"

He was stopped by her placing her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to tilt his head down to look at her. He sniffled yet again as more tears spilled down his cheeks, and he could see that there were even more tears flowing down her face now as she stared at him.

"I know you're sorry, and I know you didn't mean it, but it did hurt and I can't pretend that I forgot about it," she stepped closer, still holding his face; "But I also know that the other day was hard for us both, and we were both hit with something that we've been dancing around for years…and I mean _years._ "

"I was married."

"I know…I know," she spoke softly; "And I respected your marriage and your family, so I never said anything and always fought to save your marriage because I wanted you to be happy."

"I wasn't happy." He sighed.

"Seeing your kids every single day made you happy." She pointed out.

"Them and you, are the only ones who have made me happy," he closed his eyes, allowing a couple more tears to slip down his cheeks before he opened them again; "Olivia…I almost…I almost lost my happiness." He ran his finger over the scar on her neck, feeling the rough, healing skin under the pad of his finger. He let out a small sob, squeezing his eyes shut;

"I almost fucking lost you…I almost…fuck."

"I'm here, Elliot; I'm right here." She whispered.

"I almost lost you; you were almost gone," He took some deep breaths, placing his left hand against the wall while his right hand reached up to cup her cheek, "If I had turned away and you needed me, and something happened to you, I wouldn't have been able to live."

"Exactly why I didn't pull that trigger, I couldn't risk killing you," she closed her eyes, moving to rest her forehead against his, "If something had happened to you, I wouldn't have been able to live either, Elliot; I can't lose you."

"I can't lose you either, but it feels like I already have," he squeezed his eyes shut yet again, "I couldn't take it – losing you."

"You haven't lost me, we just needed some time apart to get our heads together," she paused, lifting her head to look at him as he opened his eyes again; "I know what this is between us, and I'm so fucking scared."

"Me too, I'm scared too." He nodded, gazing into her eyes. Blues were mixing with browns, tears were still streaming down the reddened cheeks of the two detectives. Both of them knew that their squads were looking for them, but this talk needed to happen – now. Too much had gone on and they both knew that they couldn't ignore this anymore.

They had to step into the fire, together.

"What scares me the most is that I would do it again," He was breathing heavily, staring into her brown eyes as he spoke;

"I would fucking choose you a million times over, because goddammit Olivia Benson, I love you."

And there it was, the words that had been swirling in his head. He had revealed the truth in all of this, and now, as he watched her gaze flicker back to his, his heart pounded in his chest as he waited to see what she would say back.

She slipped her arms around his waist, gripping onto the back of the shirt he was wearing. She gazed into his eyes; he watched as she swallowed.

"What scares me the most is that I would do the same thing,"

She tilted her head against his as more tears spilled down her bronzed cheeks;

"I would choose you, because…fuck…I love you too, Elliot Stabler."

 _Bingo –_ she said it back, and Elliot felt like his heart was about to take flight.

"Can I-"

"Please."

With permission granted, Elliot immediately pressed his lips against hers as he held her against the wall. Their tears were mixing together as they shared a passionate kiss, and behind their closed lids and with the feeling of their lips finally molded together, they saw seven years worth of matching smiles, inside jokes, lingering gazes, and small touches. They saw the fights they had when they were trying to ignore what they felt, they saw Gitano and being pushed to face what they meant to each other.

All of that, led to this moment right here.

They pulled away after a few minutes, both of them breathing heavily as they stared at each other. Their lips curled into matching smiles at the same time, and Elliot pulled her into a warm embrace, engulfing her in his strong arms. She closed her eyes, gripping onto him as she nuzzled her head against his chest. She felt him press a kiss to the crown of her head, whispering against her hair;

"I love you…so fucking much."

She tilted her head up and pressed a kiss to his lips, mumbling; "I love you too."

The two shared another kiss, before grabbing each other's hands, lacing their fingers together. They left the locker room and descended the stairs together, entering the squad room with a fresh, happy outlook. They spotted Fin and Munch watching them, and Elliot lifted their joined hands, pressing a kiss to her knuckles while she smiled at him. She then giggled a bit when Fin smirked and held his hand out to Munch, who glared at his partner as he slapped a fifty-dollar bill into the outstretched hand.

"It's about time though, seriously," Munch remarked as he eyed the pair; "Stabler, don't screw it up."

"I won't, trust me," he gave Olivia the most loving smile, before pulling her along; "Come on, we better tell him now."

"No need."

They both looked up; Cragen was stood in the doorway, smirking at them. Elliot and Olivia shared a glance before slipping into the office, allowing their boss to close the door. They watched as he eyed them both and smirked, folding his arms across his chest.

"I've been waiting for this to happen," he sighed, running his hand down his face;

"Olivia, at least go finish out your two weeks in _Computer Crimes,_ and Elliot, I'll have you rotating partners until she comes back. I won't split you guys up or tell anyone, unless it becomes a problem."

Elliot and Olivia nodded, thanking him and assuring him that it wouldn't become a problem. Elliot then told Cragen that he was going to walk her back to her unit, and Cragen nodded his head before gesturing for them to leave. Elliot rubbed her hand with his thumb as they made their way out of he squad room, and the two decided to take the stairs.

As soon as the door to the stairwell closed, Elliot spun her to face him and kissed her yet again, allowing her to melt in his embrace as she gripped the material of his shirt.

"We're a complicated mess, Benson; you know that?" He smirked, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

She simply giggled, nodding her head before kissing his lips yet again;

"We are a complicated mess, Stabler, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

 ** _Anddd that's the end of this little three-shot. Please, leave some reviews my friends. I hope you enjoyed and I love you; until next time...xoxo_**


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